Tutu wearing Sharks
by Renegade Zero
Summary: Two words crack fic. Or what happens when you throw a good mary sue and a Gary stu into the same setting. No real pairings but lots of humor hopefully.


**Disclaimer: in no way do I own any of the Naruto characters.**

_**Warning**: I haven't read the manga for several months so my memory is rusty. Also warnings of OOCness, severe cases of it too at times. A Gary Stu and a good Mary Sue._

_**Side note**; Beware of Kisame's in Tutu's. I told you the OOCness was scary._

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**Chapter One  
**_Dealings with Weasels and a bright orange Fox  
_

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If I had ever thought I would willingly walk up to Itachi Uchiha willingly, I would have either fainted on the spot or declared you were lying, kicked you then fainted. Or maybe I would have run away screaming.

For it's just not in best health reasons to ever go and deal with a Sharingan using weasel. That could probably kill you eighteen times while you try to add two and two together to form four.

But here I am, staring up into a tree where Itachi lazed on a very large branch, a shuriken idly in his hand as he gazed down at me, red eyes lazily spinning.

And all I could muster to say was; "Is that Kisame? Is he dancing in a _tutu_?"

Itachi smirked as he ducked his head slightly, letting long hair fall over his eyes, and I guess he didn't want me to see that evil smirk on his face before glancing up again, ebony painted fingernails flashing a moment before the shuriken free hand moved the hair out of his face, and he still held that smirk. "Yes, it is. And you're here why?"

I gulp a little. If things had been different I knew I'd be dead, but thank whatever god there is watching over me for small miracles in out of characterness for the deadliest thing since limburger cheese. "Well you see..." I started off, unsure how to procede. "There's someone in Kohona Village claiming to be sexier than you."

"**WHAT**?" Itachi squawked and leapt out of the tree, shuriken forgotten as he bellows for tutu wearing Kisame and then they're off.

I stand there a moment, blinking my eyes to clear the dust from there before realising it's probably safe to go find Naruto and Sakura now. And I do so speedily. Or as speedily as I can. Seems looks to not beget power, and I used up alot of Chakra running around trying to locate that weasel, so of course as I stumbled onto the location where Naruto hastily had hid himself away and a bound and gagged Sakura, I was out of breath and ready to just collapse.

"Hey, hey, you okay?" Naruto pestered me the moment I crashed down onto the large branch, it still amazed me how big the damn trees here were. Slowly I nod my head while looking over at the worried blonde as he turned his gaze back to the tied and gagged Sakura. "Ne, Zumi-chan, do you think Sakura-chan will be ok?" he asked me when he looked back to me. I shrug as best I can.

"She should ... when that guy parading about like an idiot is defeated."

Naruto made a face at the mentioning of the guy that had bewitched Sakura, and the other females of the village. "I hope it's soon," Naruto grumped, his eyes had thankfully turned back to that blue of his, and not that red that Stu had made them turn into. "I miss my ramen already."

If I had the energy to do so, I would have hit Naruto with my shoe at that remark. Grumbling darkly I cross my arms, trying to recover. "Has this ever happened before?" I ask out of the blue, it was something that had been irking me for a while. How Itachi had reacted by trying to kill me when he saw me, and Kisame too. It's not my fault they were now so blatantly out of character. If they hadn't attacked they'd be normal. Though wonder which is the worse evil...

Naruto took a thoughtfull look as he seemed to muse over my question, then nodded his head. "Yeah, but they almost always chased after Saskue-teme," Naruto half growled the last bit out as he glanced worriedly to Sakura, then back at me. "They made made us guys feel wierd too .. all save fuzzy brows. Never went after fuzzy brows."

Seemingly looking me up and down a moment, Naruto continued, "You look like them, but why don't you zap guys too?"

It was my turn to make a face, "It gets boring when you make man after man fall for you. I never liked it, so I rebled against what made me. The final straw," I told Naruto as I wrinkled my nose, "was when I saw an eight year old able to 'charm' men and boys."

Naruto gacked, loudly, it seemed he'd been around Jiraya too much or maybe Kakashi, and understood what I had said. I didn't look that pleased myself. "So you understand why I became well, a rouge sue. I'm still mastering how to be .. normal. And it's hard."

"Ne .. I know." Naruto murmured slightly, settling down on the branch.

Silence fell over us, and outside of the few nervous glances around we both made, we didn't really move or speak much untill it was once more, the fidgety and obnoxiously loudest Ninja ever that broke the silence between us. "Ne, Zumi-chan, you're alot better than that bastard Sai, or the others like you that come here,"

Blinking, I look at Naruto, "Why do you say this? I'm probably the one that dragged that stu here in the first place."

Naruto gave one of his trademark grins, "Because, when you smile you mean it."

Taken aback, I didn't know how to react for a bit before smirking a little and then smiled a bit. "I'll take that as a compliment,"

Naruto grinned widely at that before crouching down, looking serious, and then said something that made me want to fall out of the tree laughing, mostly it involved what would happen to the Stu once 'Granny' found herself again, and in a frilly pink dress.

Once more, silence fell, and with it night. Naruto suggested he take first watch and I gladly agreed, all to tired out from all that I had done. It's not easy being a reforming sue you know. It's so tempting to just make myself perfect, charm the guys to do my bidding, and then win thinngs over my way in as little as five chapters, with bad talking, acting and emotions on my part.

Shuddering slightly at how that was still all so tempting, I huddled down onto the branch, slightly curling up when I lay down, and my thoughts slowly turned away from that temptation when I froze, the hairs on the back of my neck bristling. "Hey, Naruto, did you feel that?"

"Yeah ... what is it?"

"... I think .. a thousand fangirls screaming in outrage."

Meanwhile, what caused the screams of outraged fangirls…

"Haha, I am victorious again!" Itachi bellowed to no one in the village. Well, not really no one. Just, everyone was unconcious or lost in the throws of their own personall hell. That also included Orochimaru, the michale jackson esque snake man lay passed out over his underling Kabuto. Pausing in his victory laugh and pose, Itachi made a face. "You know, I think he was wrong in the head. Always wearing make up."

Kisame stumbled to an ungraceful halt from his poor attempts at Ballet, "But Itachi-san, don't you wear makeup?"

Itachi puffed up, "Yes for I am not afraid of my feminine side!" He declared, then pointed at knocked out Orochimaru, "but he wears enough that a giesha girl would gag at the sight of him."

Kisame made an 'ooooh'ing noise from where he stood. And they stood in silence after that, Itachi was sure he was forgetting something, oh yes, that pesky woman he had yet to deal with- but all thoughts of that were interupted as Sasuke burst forth onto the scene...

… in a wedding dress.

"BROTHER MARRY ME!"

Itachi, if possible, was slightly wierded out for a moment, then this _came_ to pass as the deadly gripping crushing force of Out of Characterness settled down in tighter weavings about himself, Kisame and all the others in the Sound Village.

"I'm sorry brother, I don't swing that way. But if you ever turn female, call me!"

Sasuke broke up into tears at his brothers rejection, and ran away with a long and mournfull wail. Which is surprising as that dress was very long and akward looking.

"Wait!" Kisame suddenly shouted, and chased after Sasuke, "I'll marry you! And you can bear freakishly red eyed shark spawn! And we can rule the world! **WAIT**!"

Itachi blinked again, but he didn't seem at all disturbed by his companions wierd behavor, then remembered. The girl! He had to deal with her!

Snickering quiet evilly and having forgotten he had to deal with the real person that said he was sexier than himself, he slinked back into the forest, off to find that pesky female ninja.

_To Be Continued?_

_If you want to see if I can continue this, please review._


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